I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
