Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
