And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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