I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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