Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
