ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
