just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
