nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
