my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
