Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
