Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
