I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize