I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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