Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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