the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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