Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
