I feel great
I just peed on a car
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
