need another drink. this is the easiest way
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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