You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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