He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
