um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
