I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I think people are normalizing furries
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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