Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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