I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
