I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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