I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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