I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
