You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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