Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
