Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
