yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
