i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
