Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
