Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
