I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
high people should be assigned attendants
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There's always time for handjobs
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
