There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize