her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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