So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
