I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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