I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
it's like iHOP with fire
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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