If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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