I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
do nipples grow back?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
