before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
