so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
