the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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