We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
