If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
