Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
