If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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