Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
