After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
