Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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