like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
