Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
