look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
