I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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