cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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