i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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